He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
