somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
