Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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