Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
