i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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