Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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