the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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