I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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