Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
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