dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
