So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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