Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
