dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize