We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
