i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
