Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
