I heard we made out
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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