Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
