my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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