Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
