so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
