Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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