think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
