if you like me you must not know who I am
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
