we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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