I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
