the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
