I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
please come you make the beer taste better
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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