so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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