goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
