Don't make out with my wife yet
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
