I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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