I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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