I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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