last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
