are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
