OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
