Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize