just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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