Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
