escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
