PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
