Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
