He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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