my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
