I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
