I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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