this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
