Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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