She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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