I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
