scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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