I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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