i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
