I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
