My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize