my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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