I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
