Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
vagina is talking i cant
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
