I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
