My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
