He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
