just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
