will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
this hospital has no fireball
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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