Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize