My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
