"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
