I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
