This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize