he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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