What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
