Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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