I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize