Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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