you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm like, not good at living.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
