I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
