Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you told grandpa to call you daddy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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