Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
