Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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