i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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