so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
