I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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