Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
