I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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