i barfeds in our rink
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A bitchslap is in order.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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