just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
