If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
