what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
